ffffffffffff
AdultConnect, AdultConnect_uk
Jizz
Uk pics
asdfasdf
AdultConnect, AdultConnect_uk
sdfsdfwe
AdultConnect, AdultConnect_uk
212xc212xc1
AdultConnect, AdultConnect_uk
ffffffffffff
AdultConnect, AdultConnect_uk
asdfasdf
AdultConnect, AdultConnect_uk
sdfsdfwe
AdultConnect_uk
212xc212xc1
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
ffffffffffff
AdultConnect_uk
asdfasdf
AdultConnect_uk
sdfsdfwe
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
I showed my son a floppy disk today... ...he said: 'oh cool, you 3D-printed a save icon'
AdultConnect_uk
woke up just in time to push my cat off the bed before he threw up. today is going to be magical.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
*calls into work* "yo boss i'm real sick" "you don't sound sick..." "ya, just got a new tribal tat & heelys" "wow u do sound hella sick"
AdultConnect_uk
How do I know when your sister's on her period..... Your dad's dick taste like blood
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today... He just yelled at me.
AdultConnect_uk
How to get a job... Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?" Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes" Interviewer: "Oh, why's that?" Interviewee: "I never make any"
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning... Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
AdultConnect_uk
What's the sharpest thing in the word? A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
*job interview* Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? *pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people
AdultConnect_uk
An infectious disease enters a bar... the bartender says,"we dont serve your kind here". The disease replies, "well you're not a very good host!"
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
If you hear the words "oh yeah, suck it" coming from my bedroom, it's probably just me vacuuming.
AdultConnect_uk
A Kiss can make my whole day... But anal could make my hole weak
AdultConnect_uk
The Presidential Debate We don't know if Hillary is telling the truth, and we're hoping Trump isn't
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
I feel quite light today. Pounds aren't what they used to be.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
Saw a homeless guy babbling about conspiracy theories that doesn't really make sense... You could say it was a vague rant.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
What is the term for a group of Canadians? Is it "an apology"? "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"
AdultConnect_uk
Dear lord, I thank you for these noodles I am about to eat. Ramen.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!
AdultConnect_uk
What do golfers do on nights out? **par**ty.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!
AdultConnect_uk
![[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing](https://i.imgur.com/Y6bHZnVm.jpg)
[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote
AdultConnect_uk
Difference between priest and acne? What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
I like my girlfriend's new glow-in-the-dark braces... ...her smile really lights up the room now.
AdultConnect_uk
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout "Heroes in a half shell." 3) When a girl yells back "Turtle Power," marry her.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were *fruitless*.
AdultConnect_uk
What is the greatest intermolecular force of all time? Dipole, dipole, dipole, dipole, and dipole!
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
H: You look nice. Me: I'm meeting one of my Twitter friends today. H: So you want your picture on the evening news to be a nice one? Me: Yep
AdultConnect_uk
Star Wars (1977, PG) a group of terrorists enlist the aid of a drug smuggler and a religious fanatic to bomb the seat of governmental power.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
True: If you don't eat a whole basket of tortilla chips before your entree arrives in a Mexican restaurant it means you don't love your mom.
AdultConnect_uk
How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick? cause their cars are always Stalin
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
My girlfriend used to kiss me on the lips but It's all over now.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
A hawk snatched my gf's chihuahua today.. ..it got rid of that annoying bitch for me in one fowl swoop.
AdultConnect_uk
What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings.
AdultConnect_uk
What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard!
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*
AdultConnect_uk
Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
What do you call a relaxed redneck? A chillbilly.
AdultConnect_uk
How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
Why shouldn't you sleep with a weatherman? They'll promise 12 to 14 inches, but you'll only get 3 to 5.
AdultConnect_uk
I got asked how I view lesbian relationships.. Apparently HD wasn't the correct answer.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
The first rule of procrastination club is: Google some weird shit then take a nap.
AdultConnect_usa, AdultConnect_uk
© Jizz · top