Jizz

When my old man told me it was time to hit the road.

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When I'm in a gunfight

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When I try to poop too hard.

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When I'm trying to get everyone's attention and I need help from my boobs (nsfw?)

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Whenever I'm feeling in the mood for some bowling [NSFW]

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mrw I have to take a shit, but refuse to pause the game. [NSFW] [Gross]

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When I browse r/aww [NSFW]

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When I throw an invisible fingerbang orgy but don't notice that two other Opaques have snuck in (NSFW)

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When I decide to be Captain Hook (possibly NSFW)

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When I take Viagra [NSFW]

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When I figure out what gave me food poisoning NSFW

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When my bf pulls out that foot-hand of his (NSFW)

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When I intend to summon forth a plague of locusts but remember that I missed lunch.

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MRW I'm too sexy for my shirt

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MRW I'm a cat and my husband wants a blowjob (NSFW)

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When I find the perfect dumpling skin

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When I'm training for my title fight against the Patriarchy

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MRW I had a little accident, and try to hit on the attractive young EMT.

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When I'm invited to a fancy pool party [nsfw]

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MRW my friends ask me to pick them up a chick

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When I lie about my size

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MRW I'm taking a shower and the government comes to take my guns [NSFW]

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MRW when a flasher pulls down his pants to wish me a "Happy Valentine's Day!"

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MRW I realize there's no toilet paper left.

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Mrw I see something that makes me say wow on reddit.

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When I touch a bitch with my dangling trunk in the morning

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MRW I finally no longer hit myself with my dick while masturbating after a penis reduction surgery

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MRW I sober up and realize I left the oven on at home

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MRW I'm in Titty City shredding on my jet ski and remember that I'm gay and hate girls [NSFW]

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MRW I like to give my boyfriend a perfunctory blowjob before we get a little freaky (NSFW)

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MRW doing marijuana the first time and I get approached by my mom while it simultaneously hit me in her kitchen.

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MRW my wife asked if I wanted head...

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MRW there is cripple karaoke night but they forgot the mic stand

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MRW I'm cosplaying with live ammunition and a horde of zombie penises attack. *NSFW*

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[NSFW]MRW I find out that topless snorkeling is cancelled

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MRW I go skinny dipping after eating mexican food but forgot to feed my dog

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MRW My friends ask to play Duck Duck Goose but I don't understand the game.

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MRW when I'm the hiring manager at a hospital and a man named Buck comes in for an interview.

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MRW I'm trying to sneeze but an invisble man won't stop touching my penis.

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My reaction when she's gonna give me a BJ after a month of abstinence but I have to go to the bathroom real quick.

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MRW I'm shocked by Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump's ability to turn invisible and feel compelled to give them a double handjob

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MRW the erection lasts for under 4 hours

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MRW I hear that if you want to make it in Hollywood you have to blow a few stars [nsfw]

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MRW I get told I am well hung

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MRW it turns out this isn't actually a casting call for Lord of the Rings

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MRW I wake up after topping a heavy night of drinking off with an extra spicy kebab [NSFW]

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(GOT S6 SPOILERS) MRW I wake up at 7 and my Timex says it's 2 because it broke

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MRW my gay friend and I both own a chicken farm, but his is more successful than mine and I'm venting my frustration

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MRW I'm trying my hardest to seduce Donkey Kong

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MRW I hire a Thai prostitute and get less than I was expecting.

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MRW I finish reciting my list of celebrity crushes during slow motion sexy time with my wife and also we're both cyborgs

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Mrw I have the power of super sonic gas and I must defend myself against my arch nemesis and his motor bike

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MRW the chiropractor pops my hip back in place

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[NSFW] MRW I'm an American living on my own in a rural area and I hear my front door open while I'm in the shower.

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MRW my grandma doubts my ability to transmute any matter into tomato sauce

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What I’m thinking when a woman says ‘Do you mind? My face is up here.’

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[NSFW]MRW a filthy bandit on a horse steals my gold-stuffed pouch, but I'm fast enough to catch on, jump on his horse and strangle him.

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My clitoris when my vibrator runs out of batteries

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MRW I plan a hookup with a guy but don't have any lube

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MRW I finally feel what's it like to be fisted

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