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Adultconnect Uk pics

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I showed my son a floppy disk today... ...he said: 'oh cool, you 3D-printed a save

I showed my son a floppy disk today... ...he said: 'oh cool, you 3D-printed a save icon'

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*calls into work* "yo boss i'm real sick" "you don't sound sick..."

*calls into work* "yo boss i'm real sick" "you don't sound sick..." "ya, just got a new tribal tat & heelys" "wow u do sound hella sick"

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"Oh you just put lotion on? You're not going anywhere." - Doorknob

"Oh you just put lotion on? You're not going anywhere." - Doorknob

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Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today...

Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today... He just yelled at me.

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If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning... Does that mean the

If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning... Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

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*job interview* Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? *pictures clients acting like

*job interview* Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? *pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people

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If you hear the words "oh yeah, suck it" coming from my bedroom, it's probably

If you hear the words "oh yeah, suck it" coming from my bedroom, it's probably just me vacuuming.

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A Kiss can make my whole day... But anal could make my hole weak

A Kiss can make my whole day... But anal could make my hole weak

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Ever since the news came out about Samsung.... Their phones have been blowing up.

Ever since the news came out about Samsung.... Their phones have been blowing up.

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Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls

Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls

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What is the term for a group of Canadians? Is it "an apology"? "Oh

What is the term for a group of Canadians? Is it "an apology"? "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"

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If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making

If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!

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Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!

Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!

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[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing

[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote

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I like my girlfriend's new glow-in-the-dark braces... ...her smile really lights

I like my girlfriend's new glow-in-the-dark braces... ...her smile really lights up the room now.

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"Beat up anybody you see drinking 7UP" -first rule of Sprite Club

"Beat up anybody you see drinking 7UP" -first rule of Sprite Club

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Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were

Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were *fruitless*.

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H: You look nice. Me: I'm meeting one of my Twitter friends today. H: So you want

H: You look nice. Me: I'm meeting one of my Twitter friends today. H: So you want your picture on the evening news to be a nice one? Me: Yep

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True: If you don't eat a whole basket of tortilla chips before your entree arrives

True: If you don't eat a whole basket of tortilla chips before your entree arrives in a Mexican restaurant it means you don't love your mom.

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What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of the turtle? Weeeeeeeeee

What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of the turtle? Weeeeeeeeee

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A hawk snatched my gf's chihuahua today.. ..it got rid of that annoying bitch for

A hawk snatched my gf's chihuahua today.. ..it got rid of that annoying bitch for me in one fowl swoop.

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What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The

What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings.

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Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing

Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*

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What do you call a relaxed redneck? A chillbilly.

What do you call a relaxed redneck? A chillbilly.

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Why shouldn't you sleep with a weatherman? They'll promise 12 to 14 inches, but you'll

Why shouldn't you sleep with a weatherman? They'll promise 12 to 14 inches, but you'll only get 3 to 5.

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How do you spot two bffs in prison They finish each other's sentences

How do you spot two bffs in prison They finish each other's sentences

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Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always

Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."

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How do you disappoint a Redditor? [removed]

How do you disappoint a Redditor? [removed]

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I thought The Walking Dead was having a special tonight.... Turns out it was just

I thought The Walking Dead was having a special tonight.... Turns out it was just The Rolling Stones performing at the 12/12/12 concert.

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TIL I'm genetically predisposed to love heroin It's in my blood

TIL I'm genetically predisposed to love heroin It's in my blood

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[dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking *he

[dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking *he chokes* gf: he's a crossing guard dad

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What do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

What do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino. For non-Americans, this is a baseball joke

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What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored? He racism.

What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored? He racism.

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A Midget Walked Past Me On The Sidewalk Today Wearing A Shirt That Said "I Hate

A Midget Walked Past Me On The Sidewalk Today Wearing A Shirt That Said "I Hate Black People" ...I thought to myself "Well damn- thats a little racist.

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One hair in my soup Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup. - And what

One hair in my soup Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup. - And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!

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NEVER date someone that works for your cell phone provider. You're welcome.

NEVER date someone that works for your cell phone provider. You're welcome.

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Fruit and urinal give a bad name to cakes everywhere.

Fruit and urinal give a bad name to cakes everywhere.

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What do elephants do in the evenings ? Watch elevision !

What do elephants do in the evenings ? Watch elevision !

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What do you call a black man who dies of heat exhaustion and a white guy that dies

What do you call a black man who dies of heat exhaustion and a white guy that dies of a brain aneurysm? Different Strokes

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I robbed a place with my boner and said it was a gun... I got a pretty STIFF punishment.

I robbed a place with my boner and said it was a gun... I got a pretty STIFF punishment. I did HARD time. It was LONG sentence.

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Why did the Gorilla visit Italy? An advertisement's headline enticed him - See Ape-les

Why did the Gorilla visit Italy? An advertisement's headline enticed him - See Ape-les and die!

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My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.

My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.

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Why don't prison inmates just use liquid soap?

Why don't prison inmates just use liquid soap?

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I work hard so my dog can have a better life.

I work hard so my dog can have a better life.

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What does James Bond say after a heavy workout? I would like to have Whey. Shaken,

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout? I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

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What Is Bluetooth ? When your toothbrush stops working mid brushing

What Is Bluetooth ? When your toothbrush stops working mid brushing

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me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend

me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend

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I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face

I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red

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What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family

What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family of 4.

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The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard

The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard one. But the end is in sight... I can see it coming.

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"Your mission... Should you chose to accept it..." *Go to a bar you Hate

"Your mission... Should you chose to accept it..." *Go to a bar you Hate *Put $50 in the Jukebox *Play nothing but Nickelback *Leave

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