Jizz

How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt.

Adult_Network, AdultConnect

Why don't you want your nose to be 12 inches long? because then it would be a foot!

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If there are three gay guys in a bath and a lump of cum floats to the surface, what do they say? Who farted?

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If you're reading this you're probably addicted to the internet. And by internet, I mean Facebook.

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I heard that Being the one to circumcise elephants doesn't pay too well But the tips are huge!!

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I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night. I wanted it to be special

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Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith. - http://ww.key-n-lock.com

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Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Wellup and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0

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212xc212xc1

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Why don't they have a WHITE history month?? Why don't they have NON-handicapped parking spaces? Why's there no cemetery for ALIVE people??

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My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt He's high on my list of priorities

AdultConnect_uk

I get turned on whenever I eat greek dips... ...I think I'm a hummusexual.

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A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian tells him he'll only lose it.

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What's the integral of 1/(cabin)? 1 natural log cabin. I'll show myself out.

AdultConnect_uk

Me: .... Dog: ... Me: .... Dog: ... Me: ... Dog: ... Me: .... Dog: ... Me: ... Dog: ... Me: ... Dog: have the shrooms kicked-in yet? Me: ..

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What's a con-artists favorite holiday? Scamentine's Day.

AdultConnect_uk

My wife urged me to be more experimental in the bedroom, but I guess she wasn't expecting I'd be dissecting so many white mice.

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How many portuguese people can fit on a scooter? A Brazilian

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What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire? Dracowla!

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Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants? Incase he gets a hole in one

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Osama Bn Laden Jokes in the title.

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Does a cow give milk? No, they have to take it from her

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I find like geologers make really good friends... ...they are very down to Earth.

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My new years resolution is to have more sex! I Haven't told my cellmate yet though

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A man purchases a kitten, which he's having trouble house breaking. What does his friend say when he comes to visit? Your house is quite the cat-ass-trophy.

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Well it's like my dad always told me "When life gives ya lemons" Chances are you're in the fruit aisle.

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Dear President Obama, I've got a joke for you... I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you... *get it*?

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What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub? .....Add your laundry.

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What's the sharpest thing in the word? A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.

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I love watching two girls meet each other. It's easily the most fake thing I have ever seen.

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When I was interviewed for a job in the chemistry department, they asked me if I had lab experience. I said I was more of a cat person.

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My favorite knock knock joke. I need someone to start it ... Someone start the knock knock joke ...

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I don't like drive-thru's I think it's money out the window.

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My house is really small until I can't find my phone.

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Ever since the news came out about Samsung.... Their phones have been blowing up.

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There are two types of people in this world. And I hate them both.

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Everything has to be related in a woman: if the mouth shuts, the legs open.

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Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls

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Saw a homeless guy babbling about conspiracy theories that doesn't really make sense... You could say it was a vague rant.

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What is the term for a group of Canadians? Is it "an apology"? "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"

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Dear lord, I thank you for these noodles I am about to eat. Ramen.

AdultConnect_uk

If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!

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What do golfers do on nights out? **par**ty.

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Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!

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[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote

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