Jizz

I wonder how long till they notice(x-post /r/funny)

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Dont you just hate it when your whale bursts everywhere? [NSFW Gore]

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Note to self : do NOT leave your vibrator out where your boyfriend's dog can get to it. Not even for a moment. (NSFW?)

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A rattlesnake bit me last week.

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When your timing is just off [Warning Poop]

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My dog gave me an early present. I didnt ask for any gifts this year...

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Well that was stupid...

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Got a little too close didn't we [NSFL]

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My friends ass after crashing on his bike and landing on the railroad tracks.

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They said it would be fun but instead it was shitty

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Watching porn in 2019

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Go fishing they said

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Arnold Schwarzenegger getting a surprise

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Burried my cat a couple hours ago, Google decided to remind me by putting a horrible filter on my now dead cat.

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Played basketball for the first time in a long time. My shoes blew out, so I kept playing in my street shoes.

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Got into some poison ivy, scratched it and got infected.. And now I have impetigo (warning: mild gore)

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Cat sat on my paper while I was doing homework

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Didn't even change her clothes.

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My dog got ate some pumpkin. I woke up to a horrible smell in the house and found this while getting ready for work.

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Crashed my fathers KTM 350. Concussion and a whole lotta road rash.

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Accidentally swallowing a dentist’s drill bit

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My dog had diarrhea while I was at work. Everything in her kennel was soaked in shit, including herself, and she got some on the walls

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Tapped the top coil on the oven while getting my garlic bread out. On the bright side, I’ve always wondered what a burned fingernail looks like.

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Left my gloves out overnight.

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it's not that bad, really! just a scratch. no more working in the garden today thou

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Sneezed while Julienning onions and lost the nice chunk of my thumb.

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Blister aftermath from a two hour walk in work boots.

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[gross] This poor guy had some really bad timing

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tried peeling some fruit, peeled my finger instead

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/r/allMy mate went chin first into a rock whilst mountain biking! Nasty x-ray

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Formerly-beached deceased whale exploded mid-transit, right in the middle of a city street

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No pain No gain!

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Got bitten by a tiny little rat of a dog on a walk today. First dog bite in my 29 years.

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Chopping mint too aggressively and sliced my nail

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Took a chunk off my thumb preparing Fourth of July dinner. (No gore, some blood)

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Got off work and went to take a hit....

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Cut the chicken, onions, pepper for some fajitas, was chopping oregano and lopped some finger off

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[NSFL] I got hit in the face with a golf club. I lost a tooth, shattered another, chipped 3, and damaged my jaw bone

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This was in my dog's bladder.

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Slammed my finger in my car door.

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It turns out that I'm allergic to my job.

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Making chili, and I cut my finger on a chipped hot sauce bottle.

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Welp, don’t leave toys out I guess. Fucking cats

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Lump of melted paracord fell on my ankle

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Felt like there was an eyelash in my eye.... Nope. Bedbug. Deep in the outside corner of my left eye.

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Was on a leadership course, and during one of the events this happened. It healed over after about a week, and then promptly happened to my other have.

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Someone left a large broken bottle in the trash at work NSFW

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Even if a snow blower is off, don't stick your hand in to clear out a jam...

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Was taking my boots off when I bent my toenail backwards and ripped the nailbed out

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I've been subsisting off of paper tea the whole day.

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Got a little too confident with the kitchen knife

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Stubbed my toe on cement buried in the sand.

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sweet bbq sandwich

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Find the fingernail

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Someone smashed this woman's face into the cake that had toothpicks. (She's OK)

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Appendicitis sucks. 0/10 would NOT recommend.

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Got plaster in my eye at work the other day.

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Didn't notice a small step and tripped on my friends walkway

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First time I rent a shared bike it was totally uncontrollable due from front wheel or frame problems, then I crashed and got knee bruising, hand, elbow and shoulder multiple contusions.

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My daughter tripped and rugburned the side of her face

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