Jizz

tongues

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messy room

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waiting in line

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self shot from the top

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bigguns

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black dresses

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small skirt

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on the rocks

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dark green

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I've just seen a soul singer carrying a box of 80's computers... I think it was Lionel Richie and the commodores.

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I was in bed with my girlfriend. She said, "Does the fact that I'm blind turn you off?" I said, "No, of course not" She said, "Why can't you get an erection then?" I said, "To be honest, the guide dog lying between us is a bit off-putting"

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want to know an instant way to make your cock bigger? ... Shove the ruler into your stomach harder

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Whoever invented 'Ladies First' is a fucking genius. It's the easiest way to stare at a woman's ass without getting caught.

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I swear to god, one day I will have my revenge. One day it'll be the onion crying.

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Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever.

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