I wake up tied to my bed and Zooey Deschanel on top of me. "Shhh, baby. I'm going to sit on your face, and you're going to lick me until your tongue is numb," she says. "And no one will believe you."

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What do you think about my Body? [ M ] 25

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It was too hot today

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Going straight to your thighs like the cake you ate (M)

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